My cup runneth over

Good news: My blood levels went from 2,900 last week and today came back to 300!!! Just need to be at 5 or under!!! God is good. In two weeks it went from 206,000 down to 300. WOW!!!! Okay now read my post :)

This is the face of an angel, I am certain. Oh how he melts my heart and soul. These children have no clue how much this mother loves them and how much I thank the Lord for them. It is funny, from the first second your child comes into the world you are eternally changed. I remember when Gracie was born, I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to grow as a woman, because I wanted her to have better. I still want to grow because of them.

There is nothing I would rather be doing than this!!! This is life, this is why I am here and this is the hugest privilege and honor straight from the Lord. Thank you Lord for this, with all my heart. Lord willing, I will have oodles more to keep my cup flooding with joy and love.

Here is my favorite poem about being a mother by Nancy Campbell(aboverubies.org):

Dear mother in the home,beloved of the Lord

Your power as a mother, it can't be ignored

You are the heart and the Queen of your home,

Making it a haven so your children won't roam.

As you nurture and teach your children each day,

Discipline,train and watch over their play,

May your heart fill with joy and overflow with love

That God gave you these 'gifts' from heaven above

Each precious child is a 'blessing' from the Lord,

You will no longer have time to ever be bored!

You have the greatest career in all of the land

As you teach your children to heed God's command.

Lift up your head; be proud of your calling,

It's work for eternity-totally enthralling!

Oh yes, I now you often feel tired and worn,

But claim God's promises, His truth He has sworn.

"The joy of the Lord is your strength," God has stated

Whatever He;s promised cannot be negated!

As you shine with His joy, you'll be a beacon to all

That embracing God's children is His will an call.

Don't be intimidated by those who ignore God's way,

Who limit their children and leave them each day,

As you receive God's 'rewards' and at home with them stay

You'll be a light to save others from going astray.

Your sweet gentle spirit is precious in God's sight.

As you serve in your home with all of your might.

You are revealling the spirit of Jesus the King

Who showed by example to serve in everything.

May God bless you and strengthen you each new morn,

May you know His faithfulness with every dawn,

May God's presence be with you in a mighty measure

As you train up your 'arrows' for God's purpose and pleasure.

Table for 2 please and my handsome husband

Handsome!

I just wanted to take a moment to brag on my husband. Well first of all, he really is near perfect!!!I am not just saying that. Sometimes it makes me mad at how wonderful he is as I wish I was!! He treats me like a queen and is truly in love with me. I am definitely in love with him as well. I enjoy being best friends. One of the things we do as a couple is play games, especially in the colder times. Well it has officially started.....Yahtzee nights!!! Yep, every night when the children are snoozing we pull Yahtzee out and battle it out. We bet and we are competitive. Last night we bet that if he loses he cleans the garage thoroughly today and if I loseI have to massage his neck and back for 15 minutes without complaining my hands are tired. Well I won(well the second time)!!!! Hahahahaha!It has brought many laughs and memories. We sometimes play for hours. It has been special. It is like a date at home. We will get a snack, tea and to battle we go. We are still the same silly Jr. high couple!!! I love this man!!!! Enjoy your husband today, everyday and forever. Keep in the Word. Blessings.

Father and Son

Steven had his first experience with soul winning yesterday. I thought it was so sweet. He was so excited and all week kept saying"I get to go soul winning with daddy." Well I was sure hoping he would get to witness someone get saved and he did!!!! It was a teenage boy and Steven was there!!!! He was a trooper walking door to door for a few hours in the cold. Not one complaint at all.He is almost 4 and I am so proud of him. He is gonna do mighty things for the Lord. Way to go Steven. How special.

Little things make life special

Is it not the little things that can make life special?

Like watching Gracie cozy on the couch learning to read.

Or like cooking up a warm, delicious recipe? (recipe below)

Bacon. Potato, Corn Chowder: 3 c. chop potatoes

2 c. sour cream

1 can cream chicken

1 can corn

8 slices bacon

1 c. chop onion

thyme and pepper

~Cook bacon, take out cut up....put back and add potatoes and onion till tender then add all other ingredients....... I add more of everything plus 4 times the recipe.....it is delicious.

Or like looking at these bright cheery flowers sent to me from my Grandma

Or like finding a tunnel for $1 at a yard sale and watching these boys have a blast

Or like getting a bunch of pipe cleaner things and sitting at the table all together for 1 1/2 hours having fun playing little people.

Hope whatever little things are going on in your life are being enjoyed and appreciated......Some day we will miss this far too much! Enjoy your family today.Blessings

quick update

I love when the older ones try helping the baby!!

Well we got my blood work back and my HCG levels have gone from 206,000 down to 2,900 in 6 days. That is good but it is still high. It has to be at 5 or below so if you think of it please pray for the numbers to drop. I do get worried at times that it won't but am still trusting the Lord to heal my body and give me health.

Well we found some land we loved and almost went for it but have decided to stay here until our house is paid off. That was our original goal so we are going to stick with it. We do not want to be in debt, especially with this nasty economy and all this garbage going on with the government. I know we will get land and it is waiting for us somewhere.

Other than that not too much else to report. I feel good and have been organizing and cleaning and playing with my sweethearts. Hope everyone is well. Blessings.

Feeling Great

Talk about CUTE!!!

So the last few days I have been doing well. Ever sinse the D&C I have not had one ounce of nausea. It is wonderful feeling well again. I have still been bleeding but have been staying down. I got my scrapbooking updated and that is wonderful. Chad has been treating me as a queen and serving me with such love. He gets mad if I get up and try to do something. He is so sweet. The kiddos have been good and I have been enjoying reading books and just sitting with them and watching their sweetness. I am going in for a blood test so I will keep you updated on that too. The levels had to have already dropped as I am feeling so well. God is so good and my spirit is well. Thank you for all your prayers and for those who have brought food and helped with the children and all the offers of help that pour in. We are so blessed. The family is at church without me and it is way too quiet!!! I miss the noise, strange huh? I guess you get so used to it. Well have a good day in the Lord.

Joy, Pain, then fear then Peace

Well some do not know what has been taking place. I found out 8 weeks ago that we were expecting baby number 5 and was overjoyed that we were going to be blessed with another gift from Jesus. I kept this a secret wanting to wait and surprise others later. Well for the last 6 weeks I have been one sick puppy! I have been intensly nauseated and not well 24 hours a day. It has been relentless....I thought... Oh maybe just twins because my other pregnancies were not like this.

Monday we went to our first check(12 week) up at my midwife's and the excitement for our family was huge. We could not wait to see the baby and hear it's precious heart beat. I asked to get an ultrasound peak to show the kiddos. Danny, a midwife there got the picture on the screen and all you could see was this placenta and the hole inside was empty.....odd but she thought nothing at first.....then no heart beat found....... then my head midwife Colleen came and broke the news. It is a molar pregnancy,very rare, meaning no baby was made, only a placenta and sac to hold a life which causes extremely hight levels of hormone HCG which thus causing my illness. Which leaves me with one choice and high risks........

First the tears were tears of loss, and pain. Loss of a child that I already had been dreaming of and falling in love with. I sat up and Colleen then proceeded to share that this is very dangerous and potentially can lead to hemmhorage and uterine cancer and that I must be seen a.s.ap. Then the tears turned to torment and great fear.

We then got into and O.B highly recommended by my wise and wonderful midwife. She confirmed the molar pregnancy and scheduled us the following a.m for immediate D&C(which was today) Dr. Z then starts sharing that I will bleed a lot because it is a molar pregnancy and that is just what happens and then how there is a chance I could bleed so much to have to get a blood transfusion and hysterectomy to save my life. Then how this can cause and invasive cancer and we have to be monitered weekly for several months and seen for the next year. Oh how the devil was holding my hand and whispering lies and death inside my heart. I was devistated....... will I be a wife again? A mother? Oh Lord, I am not ready to leave them, they need me, Oh please Jesus..............Seeing Chad crumble broke my heart the more. THis man loves me so much and is broken.....no please Lord. It has to be okay.

Last night I wrote my husband and 4 precious, invaluable babies goodbye letters and it was the most saddest, scariest, hardest thing I have ever done. I know it sounds silly but the risks were high as well as my fear and I had to leave something if Jesus wanted me home. I poured my heart and soul out and got to reflect on the most precious people in my life. I got to see the glory of God and His goodness through these letters so yeah done in vein maybe but brought me close to the Lord and opened my heart and eyes in ways there is no time here to share.

Last night I was up a lot praying and seeking the Lord, begging for a word, a peace and his presence. What do you know 3 hours of torment and stress turned into a relaxed physical body, peace and sleep. He is so faithful and good to me. I got up very early to go to the hospital and before I went I had an open Bible and and honestly almost every word from Psalm34 was specifically for me today....things like "I sought the Lord and he heard me and delivered me from all my fears"........" ""they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing"............ O taste and see the Lord is good:blessed is the mand that trusteth in him"............... and on and on..... Oh how this sustained my soul and heart today and I knew no matter what God is in controll and he loves me and deep down I knew he would take care of me.

Anyway....Went in got the D&C, bled quite a bit but God protected me. I have been pumped with so many drugs and that simply just amazes me the more. I have my uterus and did not lose enough to have all the other issues that could have happened. I know he spared me and all of this is for his glory and has brought me to a deeper more intamite closeness with Him and I am so gratefull for it. Oh my heart sings praise and is so thankful, my joyness is full and my faith has been renewed and strengthened and my burden to share Jesus with the world is so heavy. I can tell you it is through the yuck where you cling to Him with all you have and it brings you to the sweetest place of surrender. My eyes are wet but my heart is full. My body a bit weary but my strength so strong. This has been the hardest, strangest trial I have faced but I do not regret it. I thank the Lord for it and His mercy is shown and his love is true and pure and ever so real and he does care for me, for an undeserving sinner unworthy of anything He gives me and shows me.

I could go on and on. The point of sharing this is to glorify the Lord, if you do not know Him and you have not believed on Him.....get with it. He is the only way and He cares and loves and wants you to be His own too. If anyone ever wants help with how to come to believe on the Lord let me know.

Just to ask all to keep us in your prayers as this road is just being traveled. There is much more to deal with after a molar pregnancy. My HCG levels must drop or it can turn ugly(cancer, hysterectomy....... more D&C and more blood loss) Also I am still at risk for bleeding here for a bit. I am on so many drugs to prevent this but pray for health, healing and peace as I know how easy it is to lose at times. Right now nothing can take away the peace and faith He has given me. He is so good. Praise be only unto Him. All things work together for good to them that love God(Romans 8:28)

Thank you Jesus. I love you with all I am . Thank you for all those who have been praying and pouring your love and serving and blessing our family. We are so blessed and all of you are so special and important to us.

Seek Him.....